That Boy good!

Last night, I was preparing for entertaining (freaking). I know Babygirl was coming in from a hard day’s work. So I had planned to set the mood off in this muthafucka. I had planned dinner, music, bath, massage, make love, rose petals, etc. You know the whole sha bang bang. I got the call like around 5 to confirm and I was on my way home to get ready and as I said earlier set the mood off in this muthafucka. I cleaned up nicely (put the porn andempty alcohol bottles away and that Bishop don Juan poster of him with 11 white chicks, Chuuuuuuuuuuuuccchhhhhh!!!!!!).

Crib now clean, so I prepared the room. I put Sunflower seeds on the bed because shit!!! roses are expensive, plus if she get freaky she can put these seeds in her mouth(fellas let that one go)and she can chew them and spit the shells on my chest. I sprayed Febreze and Old spice in the spot to living things up and I finished cooking. I threw on something sexy and oiled myself down with the remaining cooking oil(waste not want not). I oiled myself down because the bones are sexy greased trust me.

I put on my long john bottoms to show off the legs because I had just ran for the bus earlier and they was swollen from that tadawwwww and I put on my Boondocks T-shirt size (XM) you know to show of the ribbbbbbbbbbssssss!!!!!!! I started drawing her bath I put laundry detergent and Clorox in the tub. She knocked on the door. I answered the door and she was smiling like a fat nigga dreaming about birthday cake. She was like you so sweet.

You bet your left tit I am. I took of her jacket and when I was hanging it up she started undressing. I was like cheeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! She was bad 4ft11 348lbs. Dark skinned. Looking like a sexy photo negative. She had boy shorts on looking like lace curtains. I was excited. So we went to the tub. I hopped in then she hopped in. The tub did the shoulder lean. She whipped one of her breast out and it flew out hit me in my face and the back of my head hit the wall. She asked, “Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?????!!!!!” I said, “Naw, that’s just my emotions for you splattered against the tile wall. I got so much it explodes out my head.”

She said, “Awwwwwwwww” Then we left the tub. I looked back at the tube. The tube said, “You dirty muthafucka. The two midgets in me was cool, but you never said you was going to bring elephants up in here nigga I hate you!!!!!!!” I told the tube sorry. He threatened me by saying he going to make sure I get burned next time. I laughed because if I play my cards right I can burnt tonight. So now we butt ass naked eating dinner I cooked for her. She enjoyed the Vienna sausage smothered in spam and cheese with jelly topping.

Then she wanted to get freaky and me being a gentleman I said, “Oh Fo Sho!!!!!!!” So I layed her own the floor because beds are expensive. She wanted to make love to some sensual music. So, I put on Tupac’s “All eyes on me” album. Soon as Ambitionz of a ridah came on I came off. Then she wanted me to go down. So I put on my I love BBQ’s bib(safety first). She threw her stuff in my face like the movie Aliens. My whole head went in so I had no other choice but to chew my way out. I know she got her because when I emerged my entire head was glazed like a donut. Now, this where’s the whole story get strange. She was about to give me head. Aight. She grabs my joint and looked at it. She asked, “Do you want to be my baby?” I said, “Huh???” She said, “Not you nigga!!!! Shut the Fuck up; I’m talking to your dick, Roger!!!!!!!!!” I was like what the fuck we still renaming niggaz? So she started talking to me dick like a baby. I’m talking about goo goo ga ga.

Then she started making funny faces at it. She was tickling it like it supposes to make it laugh. I don’t have patience for this bullshit. I only let that go on for about 45minutes or an hour. I was like look Bahemoth, stop talking to my dick he dont like you. Don’t you know this bitch? Picked me up and body slammed me on my glass table. It was like buttnaked wrestling. See I know I was raised not hit women. I didn’t hit her back, because she kept dodging, bobbing and weaving. My punches couldn’t connect. So I called the cops. Two lady cops came (good-looking out 51st pct). They came and seen what happened. They said they seen what was going on. They started to get naked and they said they were going to join in.

I’m like cool it’s about time I get to fucked the law over for a change. So all three got on their knees. And now all of them were goo goo and ga ga speaking baby talk to my dick. So now I done came to this conclusion. My dick got a babyface. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Goooooddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why I was cursed with this adorable Penis of mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!